Most everything takes two to complete or accomplish. No details needed. However, one of the most powerful changes can begin to take place with just 1 being involved. That is in creating an atmosphere of healing in a relationship.
Someone has to 'man-up' or 'woman-up' and get above the feelings of personal disappointment, offense and the like to set a new standard that will begin to turn the relationship in the right direction.
DON'T BE OFFENDED
If just one person in the relationship can focus on a hope or a promise of a better relationship and what it looks like, they can begin to glide over the potholes and speed bumps on the way there without upsetting anything inside the car.
NOT NOW!
To begin, determine never, ever to discuss the matter and issue at hand when it is the issue at hand. Drop it! Let the emotions simmer down nice and cool and when hearts and minds are clear, maybe within a day or even a few days, approach the matter in a collaborative fashion, never in an accusing tone.
If either person feels they are being attacked, forget it! You're going nowhere! Never attack the person but point out the behavior and what that behavior did to the relationship. Think in terms of collaborating with a fellow team player on the field who is attempting to pick a strategy that will help the team win.
CLOSED HEARTS
The best advice is to make sure you wait until the heart is open. If there has been a wound, an insult or a hurt, the heart shuts down or closes off dialog and access to that area in a self-defense reaction. As long as the hurt is there, the heart is closed.
You must ask God to give you a God-inspired moment when you feel that your loved one's heart is open to hearing your apology - NEVER an excuse!! If you lop onto an apology a reason or excuse for the behavior, you have turned to being self-defending and the apology is no longer sincere. Don't worry about coming out of it looking or smelling good! Set her/him free, in their heart, by asking for forgiveness that reflects a true and genuine change in attitude or behavior.
SET THE THERMOSTAT
In order to heat up that cold relationship, adjust the conversational and relational thermostat to accommodating; compromising; adaptable, so the threat or option of open conflict is retaliation are completely eliminated.
Be confident enough to let him/her air their view, their feelings without taking it personally and becoming offended or angry. Make it a 'safe place' to be heard, listened to, considered, affirmed. You don't have to be clones to be happy. But, you do have to be honest and happy couples create a safe environment where it is ok to share one's feelings, hurts, hopes or disappointments and expectations.
It only takes 1! I believe that's YOU!
Someone has to 'man-up' or 'woman-up' and get above the feelings of personal disappointment, offense and the like to set a new standard that will begin to turn the relationship in the right direction.
DON'T BE OFFENDED
If just one person in the relationship can focus on a hope or a promise of a better relationship and what it looks like, they can begin to glide over the potholes and speed bumps on the way there without upsetting anything inside the car.
NOT NOW!
To begin, determine never, ever to discuss the matter and issue at hand when it is the issue at hand. Drop it! Let the emotions simmer down nice and cool and when hearts and minds are clear, maybe within a day or even a few days, approach the matter in a collaborative fashion, never in an accusing tone.
If either person feels they are being attacked, forget it! You're going nowhere! Never attack the person but point out the behavior and what that behavior did to the relationship. Think in terms of collaborating with a fellow team player on the field who is attempting to pick a strategy that will help the team win.
CLOSED HEARTS
The best advice is to make sure you wait until the heart is open. If there has been a wound, an insult or a hurt, the heart shuts down or closes off dialog and access to that area in a self-defense reaction. As long as the hurt is there, the heart is closed.
You must ask God to give you a God-inspired moment when you feel that your loved one's heart is open to hearing your apology - NEVER an excuse!! If you lop onto an apology a reason or excuse for the behavior, you have turned to being self-defending and the apology is no longer sincere. Don't worry about coming out of it looking or smelling good! Set her/him free, in their heart, by asking for forgiveness that reflects a true and genuine change in attitude or behavior.
SET THE THERMOSTAT
In order to heat up that cold relationship, adjust the conversational and relational thermostat to accommodating; compromising; adaptable, so the threat or option of open conflict is retaliation are completely eliminated.
Be confident enough to let him/her air their view, their feelings without taking it personally and becoming offended or angry. Make it a 'safe place' to be heard, listened to, considered, affirmed. You don't have to be clones to be happy. But, you do have to be honest and happy couples create a safe environment where it is ok to share one's feelings, hurts, hopes or disappointments and expectations.
It only takes 1! I believe that's YOU!
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